I am often close to tears of late and many times these gems tumble onto my cheek to be gathered up as quietly as they fell. My hormones have been paroled. After being told what to do and when to do it for over two years, effectively incarcerated, they have been given the keys to my body and told the boss wont be coming back.
The following are three examples of my feelings all vying for my attention. So desperate to show me how INTENSELY they feel.
The other night I watched a regular beach life saving show and was pretty confident in passing the evening blithely observing life saving techniques maybe even a near death experience mixed with some tourist who just didn't appreciate the dangers lurking in the shallows. Instead I was sobbing by the first ad break over children and a pregnant woman who had been stung by Blue Bottle jelly fish. I pulled myself together during the break and when they returned so did the tears because NOW a father and son were caught in a rip and the father was holding the child up (just wait I've got to get the tissues) at his own risk. They were saved but not until AFTER the next ad break. I cheered as the stepfather held his sons hand safely on the beach.
Today I caught a tear as it fell over the precipice while I read a lovingly compiled record of my Nana and Papa's early history. I saw a picture of my Nana (hold on more tissues please) as I remember her, beautiful, modern and gentle. I was sad that she has passed but so happy that records had been gathered many years before. I don't know how to express appreciation to Rita for the manuscript.
This evening I read of a reunion between mother and son that was so unique it moved me to tears (again). The mother waited months patiently and devotedly for her young son to recognise her as she had been in a horrible accident. The moment came and she has been rewarded for her efforts.
In all of these moments I thought of my relationships with my family. I thought of the love and determination it would take to save the lives of my children. I thought of how I want to live an honourable life so that some one will want to read about me with pride to have me as their Nana. I thought of the mini reunion I have with my children each day as I return home from work and how happy I am that they are so happy to see me (damn ran out of tissues. Now using pyjama sleeve.).
I'm so glad that I have free and unshackled hormones once again. These feelings are HUGE and WONDERFUL. Birth control be damned I don't think you and I should meet again. I love being free at last.
The final tear should actually be shed for the fact that I didn't even know I didn't feel this way for two years.