I find it difficult to be honest with myself and keep promises to myself. "I will not eat McDonalds any more" "I will write in my journal regularly" "I will clean my bathroom/toilet once a week" "I will not snap at my children just because I am mad with someone else" Do you see what I mean? If I was honest with myself I would say "I keep skipping breakfast or lunch so when I am in the car with the children I am more likely to suggest a trip to the magical talking box and window of food giving (drive through)." "I will think about writing in my journal everytime something funny, spiritual, sad or moving happens but then I will forget what that was and not think about journal writing until the next moment happens."
"I want to clean my bathroom and toilet once a week but I will only do it when one of the boys wees on the floor/toilet/wall or I want to go for a bath." "I will feel bad and apologise to my children after I have snapped at them mostly because they aren't the ones I am mostly mad at."
You see I am not accountable to anyone else for most of these things. for the kids and the toilet Mick should probably hold me accountable but he doesn't complain so it's all about me. I want to be a better person because that is what I have been taught to want, so it is what I want. Right from the beginning we have known that this time has been given to us to improve on our natural state. I need to go back to using the resources God has given me. I have learnt about goal setting. Making goal statements should be measurable and abservable and should come with objectives in order to reach that goal.
GOAL: "I will not eat fast food for two weeks."
Objectives: I will eat 3 meals each day.
I will carry a bottle of water when I leave the house.
I will buy suitable snack food to take in the car.
I will make a sandwich for each of the boys if we are out and not going to be home for lunch.
And for some other things, I just need to be obedient. It's what I expect from my children. I should expect no less from myself.
3 comments:
It's a hard one honey. I am a lot older than you and I am still trying to live up to this priciple...God bless,lotsalove.A/di
You've got great goals.. I think being a 'better person' is all relative. You must not compare to others.. You must just say well I've been eating Mcdonald's for a few years now, I think it's time to stop. I mean, no use in comparing to others and start doing pilates 2 hours a day or anything.. I think blogging is great in this respect. Those of us that are honest on here can gain strength in the fact that we're not the only ones who don't scrub the bath often enough..
dee, dee, dee - i tell you we are soul mates you and i!
for me the key word is motivation - what is my movtivation? - usually, and very sadly, it has to be more that the needs of me, the kids, or steven - for example...i find i am willing to share the couch with the laundry on a saturday night because i am to tired/lazy to fold it...but i am moved to folding it at galactic speeds when i am told at 9pm that our home teachers will be here at 10 o'cock the next morning!!! of course then i get all down on myself because i think, "i need to be doing this for my family! not just for others! by not doing it for them i am telling them that others are more important!!!", which of course itn't true, they are the most important things to me.
and so, in the mean time, while i slowly work toward improving myself and redifining my definition of motivation, i kiss my kids, give them a hug, and tell them that i love them constantly...and pray that for now it will be is sufficient !
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